I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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