i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
