you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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