RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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