eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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