I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
