i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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