bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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