fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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