he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
