im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
