DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
