so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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