i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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