So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
