Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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