I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
