I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
