A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
