his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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