You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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