Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
