Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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