Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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