i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
