fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
