even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
her facebook's as public as her vagina
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
