He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We need a shit load of segways right now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
