Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
