got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
