What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
