She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
