the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
