What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
