White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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