After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
