If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
