It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
