he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize