I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
