belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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