u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
