is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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