just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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