It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize