Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
