I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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