I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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