We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
