just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
