she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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