i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
