i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize