your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
