If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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