Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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