oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
