college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
