oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
