Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
