Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
