I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
