u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
