Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
