My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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