Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Vodka?
Forever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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