I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
