This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
