Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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