just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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