WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
