When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
